Nhs Insider Gifts

"And this is our new head of HR in charge of GP morale."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"National security adviser"

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

Virtual Doctor

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"Dad, why does a huge beast like that let such a small bully control it?"

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

Annexe 8

"As I suspected, there's nothing wrong with you. But I'd like to keep ordering tests till something turns up."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

Health Foods

'I've decided to recall our latest drug because of one side effect - law suits.'

'This is nurse Rochester, if there's anything worrying you she's the person to share your concerns with so that they get recorded and filed properly.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'It's the new managements policy on how we persecute whistleblowers.'

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

"The treatment you gave me for my fear of confined spaces, didn't work."

Hewitt urges mor supermarkets to open surgeries.

GOP surprise.

'They said on the NHS an Afghan sling was the only thing available for a broken leg.'

". . . 5. . . 4. . . 3. . . 2 . . . 1. . . Ok that's enough time infront of the painting. You may go in and see him now."

Doctors Through the Ages...

Early American Executive Washroom

'Your GP recommended Lovaza...but I thought we'd try a dose of meaningless platitudes followed by a course of unfulfilled promises.'

"You know what I like about power? It's so damn empowering."

Someone should be with you later, they're all on a patient care course.'

'They kept cancelling his operation so he decided to do it himself with the help of NHS Direct.'

'It's not for soaking your feet... it's a bedpan!'

'The reached an evolutionary 'dead end'.'

"We can't even admit we work here."