Nhs Commentator Gifts

Virtual Doctor

'They kept cancelling his operation so he decided to do it himself with the help of NHS Direct.'

'Put him on a high dose of 'value for money' and cut out the 'panic about privatisation' for a while.'

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'The reached an evolutionary 'dead end'.'

Hewitt urges mor supermarkets to open surgeries.

'Right let's just have a look at the records...your pregnancy seems to be going well.'

'They said on the NHS an Afghan sling was the only thing available for a broken leg.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

The Cougher

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

Bribes for Jabs

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Strainspotting

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

'Cartoonist thinking'

The End Is Nigh. . . Told You

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

Tree of Public Opinion.

Sir Patrick Moore.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

And now, for a rebuttal.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.