Nhs Commentator Gifts

Virtual Doctor

'They kept cancelling his operation so he decided to do it himself with the help of NHS Direct.'

'Put him on a high dose of 'value for money' and cut out the 'panic about privatisation' for a while.'

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'The reached an evolutionary 'dead end'.'

Hewitt urges mor supermarkets to open surgeries.

'Right let's just have a look at the records...your pregnancy seems to be going well.'

'They said on the NHS an Afghan sling was the only thing available for a broken leg.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

The Cougher

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Strainspotting

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

And now, for a rebuttal.

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"Peterson should be sure to win the Nobel Prize! He has proven that the mutated Coronavirus also mutates laboratory rats!"

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"IS this an unauthorised social gathering?"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"