Nfl Referee Gifts

Tired of substitute officials screwing up NFL games? Hire some retired classroom teachers.

"May the best team win and could we please get through this game without some kind of controversy?"

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

Why moms make bad refs.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Now what?!'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

'I'm sure it's a violation, but I can't find it in the rule book.'

Wisely, many wedding planners are hiring refs to monitor the bouquet toss.