Newton Nerds Gifts

Monkey dropping apples on Newton's head.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Intelligent people laugh too!

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

My other cello is a Stradivari

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

"Subtracting net cash brings the P/E down to 47, and, finally, crossing out the 4 brings it down to a very reasonable P/E of 7."

Newton's Law and Order.

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

The United States Public Debt.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

"No caffè latte? And you call yourselves a bookstore?"

Consumption Graph.

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

"For this year's financial picture, we've done away with graphs."