Note Nerds Gifts

Quaver

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

Save the whales. . . Save the pandas. . . Save the planet.

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

My other cello is a Stradivari

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

The real reason why flamingos are pink

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'If only Darwin could have seen this.'

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

Pregnant Panda at Edinburgh Zoo: 'Congratulations, Wilkinshaw...'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

"Yo, this should be a two."

Cliff Notes

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

"Mine's bigger than yours."

Why giraffes hate winter

Note Book

Musical genres

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."