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Quaver

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

My other cello is a Stradivari

Save the whales. . . Save the pandas. . . Save the planet.

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Gloat

Pregnant Panda at Edinburgh Zoo: 'Congratulations, Wilkinshaw...'

The real reason why flamingos are pink

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

'If only Darwin could have seen this.'

Neuro, Biology, Chemistry, Feedback, Psychology, Technology, Physiology Institute

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

Note Book

"Mine's bigger than yours."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Why giraffes hate winter