Newspaper Staff Gifts

'The public aren't panicking about bird flu!'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'That was fun!'

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

Gay Times...

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Sales.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Scientists say that crosswords activate brain...'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"I'm glad you felt able to get that off your chest...now could we discuss next year's targets?"

Around here it got a little tricky...

'And Steven here takes care of the donkey work.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'