Newspaper Aficionados Gifts

"Are you through with your 'Times'?"

Roughing It

Man whistles for the dog, who brings the paper and settles down in the chair to read it.

'How long did it take you to paper train him?'

Gay Times...

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

JET (Part I)

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Are those my slippers?!"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Sunday.

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

Leisure Editor

Russia had barely got started in Ukraine and "Gas War" against EU

'Inflated gloom!'

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

'Your polar ice cap is melting.'

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

'Grandpa isn't very child-friendly, is he?'

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

Russian Hunger

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

"Who are your sources? Talk!"

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'