Newspaper Aficionado Gifts

'I'll only give you the paper if you promise not to let the news upset you.'

' It all started when I taught him to fetch my paper.'

'How long has what been going on?'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'That new obiturary writer really knows his stuff'

'They say that newspapers will disappear in 50 years...It's actually happening a lot sooner than that! Mine disappears every morning! I think it's my neighbour next door!'

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

Newspaper

'Look. I fetch it - I get to read it first.'

'Ignore him, Josh, he's just trying to make you revert.'

'If you let me read the SPORTS section, I just may consider moving.'

'He's a man of few words. Words to the editor not included.'

Squeeze on Public Spending.

'Grandpa isn't very child-friendly, is he?'

'Spontaneous...senility'

"Walkies, Gerald!"

'We buried Dad in the sand, Mom!'

Bunny Adams never managed to rescue a bear cub,like his brother Grizzly had.

"These job ads are sadder than the obituaries."

"I hope the rest of the races are more exciting."

"I gave at the office!"

"Of course she's a picky eater. We paper-trained her on the Fine Dining section of the newspaper."

Christmas Newspapers

"You're only supposed to FETCH the newspaper!"

"He died alone with his family."

Crime and Identification

Man reading a newspaper. Trophy head of giraffe reading over his shoulder.

Russian Embassy: Growing Signs of New Cold War.

'Would you please stop reading over my shoulder!'

'Idle gossip, nothing! I've worked hard on it!'

'First, please make him stop reading newspapers.'

'Dave, why did we marry?' 'You wanted part of the paper.'

Excuse me, waitress... Could we get a second menu?

'So we print it every four years. What do you call that?'