Morning Newspaper Enthusiast Gifts

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

"I wish you'd buy your own copy!"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

Evolution of a coffee drinker.

1,572 Performances.

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

'Do you want toast with that?'

"Are those my slippers?!"

'Household water use'

"I'm more of a day owl."

"Hurry, I've been waiting for you."

Sunday.

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'Grandpa isn't very child-friendly, is he?'

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

'Your polar ice cap is melting.'

"Honey, could you pass me the cow."

'On the contrary-I quite enjoy that Monday morning feeling!'

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

"Rapunzel? Rapunzel moved out years ago. I'm Bruce, and I have a stack of old newspaper clippings I'd like to show you."

"Good coffee."

"Dang it."

"Can't you forget about the FT for once?"

'How long has what been going on?'

'Look. I fetch it - I get to read it first.'

Squeeze on Public Spending.

'He's a man of few words. Words to the editor not included.'

'So we print it every four years. What do you call that?'

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"