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"Are you through with your 'Times'?"

Roughing It

Man whistles for the dog, who brings the paper and settles down in the chair to read it.

'How long did it take you to paper train him?'

'It costs a lot to get it delivered out here, but I LOVE the Sunday crossword!'

Gay Times...

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

JET (Part I)

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

"Are those my slippers?!"

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

The following story is based on actual events.

H L Mencken.

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Inflated gloom!'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Sunday.

Russia had barely got started in Ukraine and "Gas War" against EU

Leisure Editor

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'

'Your polar ice cap is melting.'

"Who are your sources? Talk!"

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

Russian Hunger

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'