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"I'm getting a little peckish. Hey! How dare you ignore me. I don't care if I have to go out or not, I'm waking you up at 4 a.m."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

"Why don't you ever fetch anything good like a pizza?"

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

JET (Part I)

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

"Are those my slippers?!"

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

Sunday.

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

H L Mencken.

Inventor of wheel and discoverer of fire seen on date! More (arrow). The first tabloid.

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Leisure Editor

'Inflated gloom!'

'you just don't get the idea of being a watchdog, do you?'

'Your polar ice cap is melting.'

Man to other: 'You don't really know what it's like until you've walked a mile in another man's scandal.'

"Rapunzel? Rapunzel moved out years ago. I'm Bruce, and I have a stack of old newspaper clippings I'd like to show you."

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

"According to the Times, the cartoonist drew my right hand wrong."

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

'Grandpa isn't very child-friendly, is he?'

"Can't you forget about the FT for once?"

'How long has what been going on?'

'Look. I fetch it - I get to read it first.'

'Gladys, I don't think you should let Buster fetch the paper anymore.'

Squeeze on Public Spending.

'Dave, why did we marry?' 'You wanted part of the paper.'

"When I say the 'gray lady' I mean your mother, not the New York Times."