News Gatherers Gifts

War Journalism

National Everything Awareness Day

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Rose Toast

Midwest Winter Items.

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"I had half a date last weekend."

"Oh, its just a fun fur that my husband got me."

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

"Love the tie, Chad—that is so pimp!"

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

'As a career goal, I'd like to work in government, get the goods on someone, and write a tell-all book.'

Reporters growing on a tree.

Coventry Carol

Magazine Lover's Weekly magazine

'Wine and. . . fresh news. . .'

"I'm just going to te hairdressers. They've got some new gossip in."

'Not ANOTHER pub boarded up!'

"Oh, now I remember you. You live in that big shoe on the corner."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

Fred's Newstand - forefront of the new post-industrial information society.

"It's Lida Bascom's husband - he's frightfully unhappy."

'One reason I like hanging out with you is you give me so many good ideas for my sermons.'