Information Gatherer Gifts

Reporters growing on a tree.

National Everything Awareness Day

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Midwest Winter Items.

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

"Oh, its just a fun fur that my husband got me."

CIA, NOW HIRING, 'My resume? - I memorized it and burned it.'

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

'It's called the iBarrow. It's a wheelbarrow to carry all your chargers around.'

'As a career goal, I'd like to work in government, get the goods on someone, and write a tell-all book.'

Questions Online

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

Magazine Lover's Weekly magazine

'Not ANOTHER pub boarded up!'

'Wine and. . . fresh news. . .'

"Oh, now I remember you. You live in that big shoe on the corner."

Genius in a Bottle.

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

"I'm just going to te hairdressers. They've got some new gossip in."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."