Information Gatherer Gifts

Reporters growing on a tree.

National Everything Awareness Day

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Midwest Winter Items.

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Hold on

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

"Oh, its just a fun fur that my husband got me."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

CIA, NOW HIRING, 'My resume? - I memorized it and burned it.'

'His social skills have improved since he lost his job in banking.'

I try to stick to hunting. My wife makes me take a list when I'm gathering.

Join the Army! And see the world! Satellite reconnaissance photo analysis division.

'It's called the iBarrow. It's a wheelbarrow to carry all your chargers around.'

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

'As a career goal, I'd like to work in government, get the goods on someone, and write a tell-all book.'

Questions Online

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

'Not ANOTHER pub boarded up!'

Magazine Lover's Weekly magazine

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

Genius in a Bottle.

'Wine and. . . fresh news. . .'

"Oh, now I remember you. You live in that big shoe on the corner."

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

"I'm just going to te hairdressers. They've got some new gossip in."