News Gatherer Gifts

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"Oh, great, there are the Cardwells. Bet you they try to talk to us about their levitating cube."

Midwest Winter Items.

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

Hold on

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

'Nothing like some tea and symphony.'

"I had half a date last weekend."

"Oh, its just a fun fur that my husband got me."

Horace Greeley's Storm Battered Coat and Hat

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

Scotland Yard - coal heavers singing in a public house

Maybe the kids shouldn't watch the evening news.

'As a career goal, I'd like to work in government, get the goods on someone, and write a tell-all book.'

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

I try to stick to hunting. My wife makes me take a list when I'm gathering.

Reporters growing on a tree.

NY Tribune Joins NY Herald on Hobby Horse of Anti-Grant Editorials

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

Magazine Lover's Weekly magazine

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

'Not ANOTHER pub boarded up!'

"Oh, now I remember you. You live in that big shoe on the corner."