Newborn Ninja Gifts

"My baby is not on backwards - your baby is on backwards."

"Yes, I'm happy the baby is here. For the entire nine months, my wife craved the TV remote."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Self help acupuncture

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Coping with a strong-willed child

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Fitness Programme for babies

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

Coronavirus world

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

"I'm so good at this!"

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Race you to the nearest lap?'

"The air bag sensed he was going to sleep. I love technology."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Mime Baby

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Ugh Not Again!'

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

Crazy old clown cat lady.