Newborn Warriors Gifts

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

Mime Baby

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Kids with skates waiting for the ice to grow.

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

Maternity tattoos

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Go forth and multiply!'

"Triple whammy."

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"He keeps touching me!"