Newborn Delivery Gifts

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'The child is very illogical'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"Same old same old. How about you?"