New Parent Giggler Pillows

Early Trigger Warning

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

Batman's Baby

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

They Removed my Brain.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

'Your son couldn't come. He sent his sister.'

"You went here instead of the maternity ward. Fortunately, we experts in delivery too!"

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"It was your idea to call him Christopher Robin!"

'So that's why babies don't have teeth.'

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

Your CV is rather thin...

America's Next Top Baby

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

Potty trainers hotline

'The fire brigade are on the way. But in the meantime, I'm totally posting this online.'

'Congratulations. You're the father of two tax exemptions.'

"After trying to start a family for so long, our doctor suggested a radical approach. . . sex! On every conceivable occasion.""

Tapeworm befriends umbilical cord,

"On second thoughts let's stay in tonight...now that we have another mouth to feed."

'Hey your hair is on backwards!'

"Which one is mine."

"Well it's not a spider wriggling and tiggling inside you."

Stork delivers baby.

Fight fight fight. What's going on? It's Rudy and Sadie. On the verge of a brawl. Sadie says internet videos are mindless narcissistic garbage. Rudy's taking it personally and bringing the hard stuff. Look at the kitty licking a cute baby's face. Can't breathe.

'Let him have it!'