Mom-to-be Giggler Pillows

"Well it's not a spider wriggling and tiggling inside you."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

Eat your vegetables

Open other end

"My favorite painting? That's like asking who's my favorite child. It's Michael."

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"