Mom-to-be Giggler Pillows

"Well it's not a spider wriggling and tiggling inside you."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Batman's Baby

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Congratulations! When are you due?

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"My favorite painting? That's like asking who's my favorite child. It's Michael."

Open other end

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

Eat your vegetables

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

The baby's really been moving round today.

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"This is my mom's phone. Instead of a hashtag, it has a pound sign."

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

He's not my husband. He's my accountant. Baby Tax Deduction.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"