New Mom Strategist Gifts

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

Mother Nature

Whoa

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Fitness Programme for babies

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'Ugh Not Again!'

The Mothership

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'The Fashionable Mamma, or The Convenience of Modern Dress'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."