New Mom Strategist T-Shirts

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Mother Nature

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Fitness Programme for babies

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Ugh Not Again!'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

The Mothership

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'