New Jersey Humorist Gifts

'It's a 'Universal' remote. Watch me change the channel on some guy in New Jersey.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

German School

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"What are you doing?"

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."