Novelty Humorist Gifts

Don Quixote and Dulcinea

The Ventriloquist's Arms

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Football Chameleon

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"The Eggsorcist"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Kultural K9's.

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

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Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

Earl suspends his disbelief.

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."