New Hire Navigator Gifts

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Between Offices

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Hope you like working here. You'll find this place runs like clockwork!"

"And you guarantee it's free if it isn't delivered within thirty minutes?"

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

Seriously, Bob, your map reading skills leave a lot to be desired!'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'I received matching offers.'

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"I've seen a number of meteoric career flameouts in my time, but Phil's was sure in a class by itself!"

'A strong point in your favour is that you're not over-qualified!'

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

'Got to give it to him - He knows how to leave gracefully.'

How to Polish Up Your Resume. Remember, you don't want to polish it to the point you can actually see yourself in it.

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

"They might tell you that starting out down here is standard procedure, but it isn't."

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

Universidad