New Hire Navigator T-Shirts

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"Hope you like working here. You'll find this place runs like clockwork!"

"And you guarantee it's free if it isn't delivered within thirty minutes?"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'How many fingers do you see?'

Seriously, Bob, your map reading skills leave a lot to be desired!'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

'I received matching offers.'

"I've seen a number of meteoric career flameouts in my time, but Phil's was sure in a class by itself!"

'Got to give it to him - He knows how to leave gracefully.'

Universidad

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

"I'll make a deal with you! If you stop singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat, I'll help you finish your requirements!"

"I think this end is loaded."

Up

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

'You'll never have to worry about me jumping ship for a better offer.'

"They might tell you that starting out down here is standard procedure, but it isn't."