Job Hunting Navigator T-Shirts

'A strong point in your favour is that you're not over-qualified!'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Good Luck!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

How are you at decision making?

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Think of this as a window of opportunity.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Between Offices

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."