Job Hunting Navigator Gifts

'A strong point in your favour is that you're not over-qualified!'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

How are you at decision making?

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'Think of this as a window of opportunity.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

Between Offices

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."