New Job Navigator Gifts

"Hold on, Brandon. Let your probationary period expire before you start microwaving fish."

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

For sale

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

Career advice from the boss

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

We have plenty of people here to push paper. I need someone new to push the envelope.

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'I received matching offers.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"I've seen a number of meteoric career flameouts in my time, but Phil's was sure in a class by itself!"

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."