Job Interview Navigator Gifts

"What are your strengths?"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

For sale

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

Doubt or Certainy

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

Career advice from the boss

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

We have plenty of people here to push paper. I need someone new to push the envelope.

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...