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"What are your strengths?"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Between Offices

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

For sale

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

Career advice from the boss

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...