New Dad Decoder Gifts

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Doughboy Dad

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

"That's mine!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Which one's yours?"

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

The modern generation!

"Which one's mine?"

"Which one's yours?"

"It's a dependent!"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

No caption (A daughter shines a light from her cellphone as her dad makes a Twitter icon shadow puppet).

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."