Family Dynamics Decoder Gifts

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"So this is the Mr. Waring who has made such a great impression on my little girl."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

I think it's time he left home.'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."