New Dad Decoder Pillows

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Doughboy Dad

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

The modern generation!

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

"Which one's mine?"

"It's a dependent!"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."