Mom Life Decoder Pillows

"Use your inside scream."

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Paw readings

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"We're going to the park to size up the competition."

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

Today's Mothers Day!

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

Mixed marriage: food fight

'It's my job to be nosy!'

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

Siggy

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

"Thanks to this new app, I now know Jim there is disgruntled."

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

"i'm trying to remember the type of California white wine but I like, but my mind keeps drawing a blanc."

"The chocolate pudding is chef's digital signature dish."

"I just had a communications nightmare! I dreamt that the postal workers were on strike, the internet was down and someone had eaten the carrier pigeons!"

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'He wasn't in, but I did manage to get a photo of her sitting on Santa's laptop.'

'It's going to be a long school year...'