New Allotment Gifts

"What are you growing?"

Prize vegetables.

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

An old man growing berries

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

'Not here, Fred.'

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

'I'm sorry, miss. We are planting a forest here, so you'll have to move.'

Sheds

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

"Buy them - and never look back."

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

He was forced to take early retirement.

"What?" "I SAID TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!"

Middle Distance Runners

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Unplugged.

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

"I've got the wine."

Which one of these things is the soap?

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

"I'm trying to find that perfect piece of art that will make me think I know something about art."

'How many times have I told you, Throg? Dress for dinner.'

'I put your project on Wilson's desk. He has a knack for looking at tough jobs in a new angle.'

Man halfway through growing a scarecrow