Allotment Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm afraid reports of Jeff's demise have been somewhat over dramatised, Deirdre. He didn't succumb to a lethal cocktail of drink and drugs during a no holds barred session at the local sauna...'

'And what with the allotment and Marjorie's cake stall, we're pretty much self sufficient these days.'

Prize vegetables.

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

An old man growing berries

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

'There's a gentleman out here with $643 million. He would like to discuss a takeover.'

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'Not here, Fred.'

"What are you growing?"

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

Sheds

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

"Ed's security blanket. Two hundred and twenty acres!"

He was forced to take early retirement.

Middle Distance Runners

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

"My biggest problem is squatters."

Man halfway through growing a scarecrow

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

'I'm done with school because all I need to make a living is to know how to persuade my dad to give me money!'

"Still trying to grow mushy peas,Alf?"

Birds laughing at a scarecrow.

Gardening Angel.

'Even with free medical, dental, room and board, I'm still not making it on this allowance.'

"I can't wait until I'm old enough to vote for a guaranteed minimum allowance."

'Oh no! I'm losing the plot.'

"Oops...nothing but IOUs I never paid back!"

'Yeah, I use ATMs all the time, but I refer to them as 'Mom' and 'Dad'.'