Neutrino Ninja Gifts

Physicist Frank Bartholomew gets a big, BIG break in his search for the ever-elusive neutrino.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

Coping with a strong-willed child

ACME Balloon Company.

'Simply put.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

"I hate negative numbers, and I'll stop at nothing to avoid them."

'If 'x' is unknown, why should I rock the boat?'

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

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Gone Bookkeepin'

'This would be a lot easier, Ms. Sims, if there were a little more margin for error.'

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'It won't do you any good! You can't run from your math problems!'

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

I've found a loophole in your loophole

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'Well done! This works much better.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.