Network Administrator Gifts

"Don't read it! He's phishing."

"You may want to look into getting a better cybersecurity system. I don't think that sign will be enough."

"It was much nicer before people started storing all their personal information in the cloud."

'It just seems like, ever since the system upgrade, nothing's where it should be.'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I'd prefer it if they stored their stuff someplace else!'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Surely there's an easier way of moving files?'

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"You're still burying your bones? I store mine in the cloud now."

Internet Security

'He's our Spam expert!'

"Don't worry- your patients' electronic records will be safe across your network. I'm using an encryption based on doctor handwriting legibility."

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

Computer virus

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."

"Mr Grimshaw, somebody's hacked into the office computer."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'We conscientiously backed up everything, except the tech who knows how to restore the backup.'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

'Don't open that attachment!'

"Oh great Oz, are you saying we don't need a mainframe?"

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'And I think you'll be very impressed with the new network security system we just installed!'

'Say what you like about Cloud Computing, but the technical support is amazing.'

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

Insecure computer information.

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

'Good news, your server is still up!'

'So, are you saying that in the future I shouldn't open any email attachments labeled, 'deadly computer virus'?'

"I do tech support for the cloud."