Sys Admin Gifts

Guy in Electric-Chair asks 'Have you tried switching it off and on again?'

'I don't understand it Sir, the computers have only been down for a hour.'

'Or you could look at it this way: your server is now permanently carbon-neutral!'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Frankenstein Tech Support.

'It's got a fantastic memory.'

Can you program this thing to laugh at my jokes?

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

'I was told it required a log-in...'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

In basket-case.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

The Computer Bore

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"