Administrator Gifts

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"We need a better piling system."

The Office Black Hole

"I know these school board annual budget meetings tend to run very late, however ... "

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

'It's mine and you can't have it.' Morris was finding it more difficult than most to adjust to the concept of a 'paperless' office.'

'Let's hold off making a decision until we have even more information we don't really need.'

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

'Steve, I admire your determination to make this plan work.'

'I have your file right here in front of me, Mr Simonson.'

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

'Now...where did I put that 'How to keep your desk tidy' memo?'

"It's our new simplified work-life balance management system...anyone who has a life gets more work."

Desk trays - 'In', 'Out', and 'It depends'.

Department of Indifference.

Managing Targets: "It mat be simple but it works for me."

Bereaucracy kills.

Here are the latest strategic proposals on 'managing the paperless office'.

"Well we've had our 15% budget cut confirmed, nobody's applied for our vacancies and we're moving the office into a portocabin in the carpark. Item 2 staff morale"

'Who wants to work late again, raise your hands.'

'Hang on while I find a pencil.'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

In basket-case.

Online form - Submit.

Performance Management.

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"