Netflix And Chill Aficionado T-Shirts

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I'm thinking of starting my own range of 'inactive' wear."

Born to be Mild.

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

"My feet are cold."

"I wonder which will come first. Me finishing this binge worthy Netflix series or another Netflix rate hike."

"Baldo, the summer is almost gone and you still haven't found a job!"

"Business trip, eh? Gee, that's too bad."

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

Computer dating.

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

Hasta manana.

How to tell when Winter is really bad...

His entire life was about balance.

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

"When you have to shovel your driveway, stupid weather... When you've paid someone to shovel your driveway, stupid weather..."

"So what do you plan on accomplishing today?"

"You've been listening to the mellow sound of Station EZZZ."

'Have you considered having central heating installed?'

'I appreciate the calmness it would bring, I just have trouble letting go..'

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"You distract it while I make my escape."

It's a dark and stormy night. Maybe I'll knock off early and rent a movie.