Netflix Aficionado Gifts

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"I adore kids, but I also adore Netflix."

Daredevil. No. But it's been months now. I wanna talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the last couple episodes yet. Blasphemy! You have one job as a modern American consumer of Netflixian entertainment: and that's to binge-watch every episode the day the series is released. Sorry, little buddy. Some of us have lives. What's that supposed to mean?! Careful what you say around seniors. You'd never be man enough to handle a good Price is Right marathon! You distract it while I make my escape.

Boss, last night I Netflixed an episode of "Undercover Boss" from 1982. Was that you in it? I will neither confirm nor deny that. But I will say this

"You distract it while I make my escape."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Bloody hell!"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Enough already. It's a car, not a transporter.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Kritik's Korner

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

Love is when you watch television together.

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Canadian film production

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Moby Dick

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'