Nervous Fan Gifts

Light RELIEF for England . . . PHEW!

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Turmoil change.

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Appointments. Disappointments."

"It's not what you think."

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

Shy Man at Party

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

'Oh, don't even think about living life vicariously through me!'

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

Chameleon.

Scary Movies!

'Giles has got his first follower on Twitter so we thought we'd have a few people round for drinks, just a small celebration...'

"Sometimes, I wish we'd never invented football."

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

'I'm shaking a bit!'

Sorry, this game is not available in your area

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"Sorry about the expletive."

'Test Pilot.'

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

"I'll try to find out what makes you tick, what makes you cuckoo."

'What'd I miss?'

"Our maintenance crew is fixing a problem that should only take a few minutes but which will haunt you for the duration of the flight."

Look Behind You

Rudy, I want you to get to know my pet gerbil. I think I'm catching a cold. He's not good in new situations. I can hear you. This is weird. Don't freak out, Rudy. Trust me, it's all very normal. Want a hand bath? I want a Kleenex. Help.

Jackson's greatest fear was that he would die laughing.

'I know where I am - where the hell is my ball!'

'There's no way you'll ever get me up in one of those contraptions!'

"Goodbye, Cucuy. You've been a great bogeyman...too bad the kids aren't scared of you anymore. But I found someone who'll be much more effective."