Nervous Laughter Fan Gifts

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Beer Parasol.

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"Fish finder."

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

The bird feeder.

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

King and Jester

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"Can you keep a secret?"

"So! When's the big day?"

"Buster, run this past legal."