Nervous Chuckler Pillows

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Jesus Christ

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Say, did you know that we actually only use a very small portion of our brain?'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Gesundheit!"

'Bless you!'

'You were afraid for the drill?'

Melvin's Glue-all

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"