Nervous Chuckler T-Shirts

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Jesus Christ

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'...and on that you have my word.'

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

The Big Four debate banking ethics

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'Say, did you know that we actually only use a very small portion of our brain?'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Gesundheit!"

'You were afraid for the drill?'

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

Melvin's Glue-all

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'