Anxiety Chuckler Pillows

'You were afraid for the drill?'

'Was that you who screamed?'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

Medical Treatment.

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

Room 101 Tax Inspection

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

'Bless you!'

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

Yoga - moooooooo.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00