Anxiety Chuckler Pillows

'You were afraid for the drill?'

'Was that you who screamed?'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'Dinner for two, table for seven.'

Medical Treatment.

"The feel of mud and weeds between my toes just really freaks me out."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

Room 101 Tax Inspection

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Bless you!'

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

"Well, the MRI confirms it: you have a shy bladder."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00