Nephrologist Gifts

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"You have a kidney stone."

Nephrologist

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

The Map of the human brain

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Physician tending a mummy.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.