Nephrologist Gifts

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"You have a kidney stone."

Nephrologist

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

The Map of the human brain

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Physician tending a mummy.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."