Neighborhood Sheriff Gifts

"Welcome to the building, Mrs. Bergdorf. We'd like to go over the condo's rules with you."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

$1: Family Secrets

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"Reach for the sky, stranger."

Dog says hi to a cat.

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

"Say, you were right, Sheriff, this is the best way to keep up with the 'Space-Hopper Gang'."

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

The Lawman

"I said 'neighborhood watch'; they said 'peeping Tom.' "

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

Sheriff.

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

"Frank, how many times do I have to tell you, it's a posse, not a search engine."

'Stick em up' Kid plays with gun

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

Investigating Yourself

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

"Belly rubs later, girl. Belly rubs later."

Gun Ego

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

The modern sheriff.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

Planner at work.

"Now do you believe me that your snoring wakes up the whole neighborhood?"