Neighborhood Sheriff Gifts

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

$1: Family Secrets

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

"Reach for the sky, stranger."

Dog says hi to a cat.

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

"Say, you were right, Sheriff, this is the best way to keep up with the 'Space-Hopper Gang'."

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

The Lawman

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

"I said 'neighborhood watch'; they said 'peeping Tom.' "

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Sheriff.

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

'Stick em up' Kid plays with gun

Gun Ego

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

"Belly rubs later, girl. Belly rubs later."

"Okay, if it hits the wall it's a triple, and if it goes through Mr. Baker's window, that's a home run."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

"Frank, how many times do I have to tell you, it's a posse, not a search engine."

The modern sheriff.

Planner at work.

Bert launches his plan to increase property values: Annoyance Free Zone - No politicians, media, pundits, or mimes beyond this point.